The Look IS Prince George’s Lace Christening Gown

Duchess Kate thinks she’s the only British royal who can sell out a piece of clothing just by wearing it, but she’s dead wrong. Yes, thousands of her subjects are running to their local bakery to buy a mound of bread dough after seeing Duchess Kate wear one on her head at Prince George’s Christian orientation/hazing ceremony in the Chapel Royal at St James’s Palace in London today. But even more people are furiously searching the Internet to find out who designed Prince George’s luxurious lace gown, because they want it. Well, sorry wannabes, but that shit is vintage and no, you can’t buy it at Decades or one of those other fancy shops where rich hos buy used clothes for thousands of dollars. Prince George’s shit is a family heirloom and a one-of-a-kind design, bitches.

The BBC says that Prince George’s gown is a replica of the lace and satin christening gown made for Queen Victoria’s eldest daughter, Victoria, the Princess Royal, in 1841. Prince Hot Ginge (see him working it here) and every other royal has worn that same christening gown since then. The design is stunning and that train elongates Prince George’s legs so he looks five feet tall instead of one foot tall (or however the hell tall he is). Expect Tommy Girl to try that “train makes your legs look longer” trick. And Prince George knows that he’s got this and he’s already looking down at Suri Cruise, Blue Ivy Carter and North West from the top of Vogue Bambini’s Best Dressed Baby Child In The WORLD list.

And because he’s the future King of England and has to do everything extra, Prince George has seven godparents who will be his spiritual advisors and guide him through life. They are:

1. England’s Finest Rose Jodie Marsh
2. Harvey Price
3. Tanya Turner (No, not Zoe Lucker, but Tanya Turner the character.)
4. Pete Burns
5. Tania Mcintosh 
6. Pippa Middleton’s ass
7. Pete Doherty

No, I wish. The real list is here. No Jodie Marsh! No Prince Hot Ginge! Can you believe that shit? That list sucks. The only person I know on that list is Zara Phillips and that’s because I once bought a coat half price at her store in the Menlo Park Mall in New Jersey.