How to Overcome Your Biggest Phobia

A lot of people have phobias.

And phobias aren’t just everyday worries—they’re serious, intense fears that sometimes (or often) interfere with day-to-day life.

For example, some people walk up and down multiple flights of stairs each day and avoid elevators because they feel trapped and anxious when they’re in an enclosed space (that, of course, is called claustrophobia).

Others won’t go hiking with friends—even on a trail in a park—because they’re too terrified of heights (aka acrophobia).

I have a friend who refuses to fly because whenever she’s in a plane, she can’t trust that the huge, heavy piece of machinery will somehow stay in the air—that’s aviophobia.

But new research shows that there’s a quick and simple way to temper any type of phobia. All it involves is a certain kind of self-talk…

HOW YOU REACT IS KEY

This study looked at only one particular kind of phobia—fear of spiders (arachnophobia)—but as you’ll see in a minute, the findings can be applied to any phobia under the sun.

In the study, researchers asked volunteers who were afraid of spiders to get as close as they could to a real, live, hairy tarantula with a six-inch leg span—the goal was for them to eventually touch it, if they could stand it. (I get the heebie-jeebies just thinking about it!) They also measured participants’ levels of hand sweat as a marker of how afraid they were.

In the next step of the experiment, researchers asked the participants to sit in front of a tarantula and react to the experience verbally in one of four ways:

Use honest, negative words to describe your feelings and thoughts. For example, “I’m anxious and frightened by this ugly, disgusting spider.”

Play down your phobia and speak as if it doesn’t exist. For instance, “This spider is not so bad, and looking at it is not a problem for me.”

Distract yourself. Talk about something else altogether. For example, “There’s a TV in front of my couch in the den.”

Say nothing. This was the study’s control group.

Which kind of self-talk do you think helped most? If I’d had to predict, I’d have said that speaking soothing, positive words about the object of fear would have helped the most. And that is, in fact, the strategy that lots of people with phobias use.

But I would have been wrong! One week later, researchers retested participants, once again asking them to approach the tarantula and try to touch it. What they found: Though they didn’t report any less fear than the other group, participants who had used honest, negative words to describe their reactions the previous week were able to get closer to the tarantula than the other groups, and in the process, their hands didn’t sweat nearly as much.

SAY EXACTLY WHAT’S ON YOUR MIND

You may not be afraid of spiders, but perhaps there’s something else that gives you the willies, whether it’s flying or heights or riding in a car or circus clowns. So here’s something to try: Whatever your phobia, instead of downplaying it or trying to distract yourself from it, verbalize precisely what you’re feeling and thinking, said lead study author Katharina Kircanski, PhD. In fact, she said, it may help to purposefully put yourself into a situation in which you must face your phobia and then do the following…

Do say (over and over again): “I hate flying, and this airplane is making odd noises that make me very nervous.”

Don’t say: “Statistics demonstrate that flying is much safer than driving.”

Do say (over and over again): “I am terrified of falling from this scary height.”

Don’t say: “I’m in no real danger of falling.”

Do say (over and over again): “This hideous circus clown is creeping me out, and I’m afraid that he is getting way too close to me.”

Don’t say: “The clown is just doing his job and can’t hurt me.”

Repeatedly putting yourself into a situation that scares you and confronting that fear head on has been shown by prior studies to reduce fear, said Dr. Kircanski. So if you regularly face your phobia and verbalize how afraid you are, your fear may gradually become a thing of the past.

Sources: Katharina Kircanski, PhD, postdoctoral research fellow, department of psychology, Stanford University, Stanford, California. Dr. Kircanski conducted this research with professors Matthew Lieberman and Michelle Craske while she was a graduate student at the University of California, Los Angeles. The results were published in Psychological Science.

via bottomlinepublications.com

How to Overcome Your Worst Fears

You know that queasy, heart-racing, gut-wrenched feeling you get when you're scared or feeling anxious? Everyone has experienced this because fear is normal—a helpful mechanism, even—preparing us for dangerous situations like a vicious-looking dog or a twister approaching. But irrational fears hold us back and keep us from enjoying our lives as much as we might like to. If you're tired of letting your fears get the best of you, here are some proven tips and strategies to take you from terrified to calm and confident.

My Background: An Extreme Fear of Heights

I can't climb a three-step ladder without shaking. For real. My fear of heights really is that extreme. Like most people with phobias, though, I've learned to manage pretty well by avoiding what I fear: I don't go on balconies, shy away from seats high up in the concert stadium, and steer clear of things requiring climbing. Until recently acrophobia wasn't really debilitating; I can do just about everything I want to on safe ground.

A few months ago, though, I went to a fair with my five-year old daughter, and the only ride I could bring myself to go on with her was the ferris wheel. (After turning her down for every other ride, I had to go on something.) Big mistake. Our car paused at the top for what I thought was an eternity, swaying beside the utility wires and treetops. While I clutched the pole in the middle of the car for dear life, my daughter laughed with pure joy and asked, "Isn't this fun, Mommy? Aren't you happy you're here now? You're not SCARED, are you?" I realized then that I had to get over this problem.

Exactly two weeks ago, I pushed myself off the Leap of Faith, a "60-foot almost-vertical drop" waterpark slide. Literally—you lie down flat and push yourself off and then you're hanging frozen in mid-air for a second before you hit the slide and go 20-miles-an-hour or so down a tube through shark-infested waters. Photo: Atlantis.com

I've detailed below some of the mind hacks I needed to use to do this complete 180, as well as other techniques psychologists suggest for overcoming fears and anxieties of all types, whether you're afraid of heights, dogs, public places, flying, or anything else.

Step 1: Learn More About What You Fear

The better you're able to understand what you fear, the better your chances of feeling less anxious about it. You can challenge your negative or unrealistic thoughts about the things you fear by learning more about them. Jeff Guardalabene, a clinical psychologist in Portland, said:

For example, with a fear of flying, knowing that the wheels will go "bump" when they are retracted, understanding that it is normal to experience mild turbulence, and even peeking at the accident statistics for airplane flight (hundreds of millions of flight miles with barely any accidents), can really help.

Knowledge is power. And comforting.

In my case, I watched countless YouTube videos of people happily going down that waterslide until it almost seemed fun. I researched enough to convince myself that no one died of a heart attack going down it.

Knowing why you're afraid—the root cause—might also be insightful. Andrew Canella, a musician with a bachelor's in psychology, wrote in with a Simpsons episode example of Marge's fear of flying: her fear stemmed from seeing her father as a male flight attendant when she really thought he was a pilot. Yes, it's an offbeat example, but uncovering even the weirdest root causes can be worthwhile, because they can get you to talking about your fears and then accepting what you can or can not control. (If you have a fear of flying, we've previously mentioned a free ecourse to help you discover the underlying reasons why you might be afraid to take to the skies.)

You might learn that something that caused your fear was unsubstantiated or is no longer relevant. For example, I was a frail kid and broke my arm a couple of times (once just tripping on the lawn), which might explain my fear of heights now. Knowing this—and knowing that I'm much stronger now—might go a long way towards helping me feel more comfortable at roof parties.

Step 2: Visualize and Expose Yourself—Gently—To What You Fear

Visualization and gradual exposure are techniques often recommended for tackling fears. Imagine yourself in a situation confidently facing your fear, whatever it is. Guardalabene advises you be as clear as you can: If you're afraid of taking tests in a certain class, visualize every detail, like where you sit, the feel of the desk, who's sitting next to you, and so on. Imagine yourself in the situation and breathe.

Helpguide.org, a non-profit resource for confronting health challenges, suggests you gradually expose yourself to your fear by working up a "fear ladder". For example, if you're afraid of dogs, your fear ladder might be: look at pictures of dogs, watch a video with dogs in it, look at a dog through a window, stand across the street from a dog on a leash, etc.

If you have a very deep-seated fear, you may want to see a therapist for guided visualization or hypnosis. Dr. Wylie Goodman, a clinical psychologist in New York, says that in these techniques, the therapists helps you into a relaxed state so you feel safe and secure while facing the feared place or object. Sometimes it's harder for people to face their fears consciously, so these relaxed-state techniques and being guided by a therapist's voice might be more effective.

Although I didn't imagine myself climbing all those stairs and catapulting myself from that ridiculous height, perhaps in all those YouTube watching sessions I subconsciously placed myself there. I did visualize a happy outcome—emerging safely from the water tube and triumphantly writing this article. I think that provided motivation.

Step 3: Use Physical Tricks to Relax

Guardalabene recommended progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) or meditation to learn to relax all the parts of your body. When your body is relaxed, your mind may follow. (One trick we've mentioned before for PMR, when you tense different muscle groups in succession, is repeating "the" to stop your mind from racing.)

Learning deep breathing techniques can also help you deal with overwhelming feelings of panic.

If it's a critical, one-shot deal, like a medical test or plane flight, you can ask your physician for medication (e.g., Xanax) to help with your anxiety or fear.

A drink called "Miami Vice"—part pina colada, part strawberry daiquiri—was the physical relaxer I used to reduce my inhibitions and get relaxed enough to start climbing those stairs.

Bonus Points: Mind Hacks

When it's a singular event or task you want or have to overcome, use tricks to gain more courage and commit yourself to it:

• Enlist others' help: Consulting with a therapist, asking a friend for advice, or posting your question on your social networks can make you more likely to follow through with something you might otherwise easily back off from.
• Make it hard not to follow-through: You can overcome fear and anxiety by making it your only option, e.g., buying a manual transmission when you don't know how to drive stick shift to force yourself to learn to drive one. Spending a lot of money on something that you want to learn or do is usually a good incentive for overcoming that fear. Build in things that will make it hard for you to cop out; for example, walk a long way somewhere so if you don't take advantage of the opportunity it will be a waste of your time and energy.
• Know yourself: If the event is something that you have control over (e.g., a walk-in clinic to get a shot or cliff diving at any moment), pay attention to your own clues so you can act when your adrenaline and confidence is highest. For example, I knew when my resolve started waning and I was hitting the "now or never" threshold. That's when I knew I had to start moving.

In the End: Acceptance

In the end, it may all come down to acceptance. Acceptance of the thing you fear and that you can't control it. All three psych experts I talked to referred to this acceptance concept. Dr. Goodman mentioned a Japanese approach called Morita therapy, which is outlined as: Accept Your Feelings. Know Your Purposes. Do What Needs to Be Done. (Sounds very Japanese, right?)

So, after you've done all your research, prepped yourself with visualization and gradual exposure, consulted with others, committed yourself to this task, and so on, just stop and try to relax until the event arises. (Or just keep practicing, building your strength.) Often, the fear of the thing is worse than the reality.

via lifehacker.com