Charlie Sheen Finally Finds A Porn Star He Doesn't Like

It’s been well documented that there’s nothing Charlie Sheen loves more than a porn star who’s half his age. Teen Mom Farrah Abraham ticks both of these boxes nicely, with the added bonus that she’s recently revealed she’s gone under the knife to increase the size of her bazookas. It’s a match made in heaven, right?

Not according to Charlie, it’s not. According to a letter to Farrah obtained by TMZ, Charlie thinks the 22-year old mother and ‘backdoor’ aficionado is a “desperate guzzler of stagnant douche agua”. If Farrah was looking for a quote to put on the front of her sex tape’s cover, she might have found it.

This eloquent attack wasn’t completely unprovoked, as Farrah has apparently been texting Charlie for days trying to set up a date, suggesting everything from coffee and  a playdate with their kids to a porn star’s birthday party. That’s the glamorous life, eh?

The screenshots of these texts mysteriously found their way to TMZ – no prizes for guessing how – and Mr Anger Management was not pleased with this.

hey, you desperate guzzler of stagnant douche agua;

 I truly do not recall giving you permission to globally reveal any communication between us. congrats on surviving your lobotomy and an even bigger congratz on the recent attempt at porn.

 your daughter must be so proud.

please send my number to middle earth and if allowed, eagerly follow it into said abyss and slam the door behind you. the world will collectively sigh as the pungent memory of you vanishes into the pedestrian troposphere of lame-suck and zero-life.

oh and I’m sure they’ll wave the cover charge when they see your tranny-boobs and five o’clock shadow.

bye!

cs.

It’s like Oscar Wilde has been reborn as a washed-up sitcom star. Farrah originally reached out to Sheen to try and bag a role on Anger Management, although anyone that was brave enough to watch ‘Back Door Superstar’ will know that she’s no Meryl Streep in that department. Not that that’s the biggest obstacle standing in the way of Farrah’s acting dreams – having the star believe that you are a  lobotomy patient who’s disappeared into middle earth is probably a pretty big hindrance too.