How in Fern Gully porno heaven will True Blood top last year's neck-snapping sex sessions and vampire TV broadcasts? By mixing up the sextation on this show. It's time for Andy Bellefleur to get his! But with whom?
Andy Bellefleur and Nan Flanagan
At first, I was tempted to wish for a sordid past between Andy and Hoyt Fortenberry's Mama, Maxine. Thus planting the seeds of a potential Andy and Hoyt father-and-son, on-the-road episode (perhaps Maxine could blurt out the truth while juiced up by the dirt sex goblin?). But I just couldn't do that to Andy — he deserves better. And even though Maxine and I can both get down in a muumuu to Claudine Clark's "Party Lights," she's still a horrible lump of flesh and a rotten excuse for a human being.
Andy needs someone stronger, someone dangerous, someone who's able to lift him up and physically twirl about his farmer's-tanned limbs mid-coitus. Someone like Nan Flanigan. Bad ass vampire representative, with a mean shade of lipstick and a bitchy haircut. Sure, Nan may not be that into human men (last time we checked in her limo). But this no-nonsense missus could really turn around our beer-bellied law dog from Bon Temps. Andy needs someone with a little structure, who's slightly scary (so he'll actually listen to her). We're tired of sad sack Andy. Nan, it's time to cover Andy with your healing blood and vampiric lady-bits. For the good of the show.
Sookie Stackhouse and Alcide Herveaux
Two great tastes that taste great together? Perhaps. Look we all know this is bound to happen. And if Sookie doesn't get on this soon it could be minutes until we see sneak a peek at Alcide's muscled man-hiney. Also, if she's sleeping with Alcide, this means she's not sleeping with Eric. That's a win for both my personal fantasy fodder and my rapidly depleting store of Sookie tolerance.
Steve Newlin and Jason Stackhouse
There is a real, carnal attraction here — whether it's Jason looking for the role model he never had, or the Reverend searching for solace in the arms of the man he'll never be. The second season was smothered in Steve and Jason's sexual tension. This year, it's time for the disgraced Reverend from the Fellowship of the Sun to step into the light of man-on-man sex.
Sophie-Anne Leclerq And Tara Thornton
Perhaps the only way we can save the two most despised characters of the True Blood 'verse is to get them in bed together? They're both at seemingly critical lows in their character's journey. One is a broke, disgraced Queen. The other was kidnapped by a psychopathic vampire, and raped for most of last season (a bit of information that no other character on the show really seemed to care about). Maybe these two could kind find some sort of peace in between the sheets — or just Thelma and Louise themselves? (That's a great idea as well.)
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