Those people we know who seem to be the happiest among us are not
perfect—not even in their own happiness. No one wears a grin 24-7, after
Still, just as success is the byproduct of adopting the commonly
shared habits of successful people and avoiding the counterproductive
habits of the unsuccessful, so happiness is usually what very naturally
happens when we do what happy people do and avoid the behaviors and
attitudes of the unhappy.
Certainly not everything happy people do is relevant to their
happiness, though. And certainly not everything unhappy people do is a
contributing factor to their unhappiness. But learning the differences
between the two can still be highly instructive at pointing us down the
This, then, is a post that focuses on the behaviors happy people tend
to avoid, the thoughts they almost never harbor, and the attitudes and
beliefs that they rarely sustain.
Learning the pitfalls to happiness, after all, can prove extremely useful to your own pursuit of it.
What the Happiest People in the World Almost Never Do
1. Happy People Almost Never WhineEveryone complains from time to time: Traffic jams, tax hikes,
getting overlooked for an expected promotion, discovering you’re out of
milk just after pouring a bowl of Cheerios.
But when complaining becomes a chronic way of life, your happiness
suffers. How could it be otherwise? To whine, moan and complain about
everything is, by definition, the art of focusing your attention on the
unhappy parts of living.
Keep in mind that happy people have plenty to complain about—they
just tend to make molehills of mountains rather than mountains of small
things as they focus on what’s good and praiseworthy.
2. Happy People Almost Never Compare Themselves to OthersComparisons serve no one. Happy people have role models and people whose lives inspire them like most people do.
But that’s where it stops. They recognize that we are all
multifaceted people who live vastly different lives with unique personal
histories and are therefore not truly comparable.
They also recognize the futility of birds wishing they were fish or
giraffes wishing they were kittens or people wishing they were perfect.
Instead, they celebrate their own uniqueness and have a mix of
compassion, acceptance and humor for their particular set of goofy,
mismatched and idiosyncratic parts.
3. Happy People Almost Never Let Fear Stop ThemThat’s certainly not to say that happy people are fearless. They feel what everyone else feels to one degree or another.
They simply refuse to allow their fears the power to dictate their
lives. They take massive action toward their goals despite their fears
In other words, they feel their feelings but choose their behavior.
4. Happy People Almost Never Take Themselves Too SeriouslyLife is funny. So are we humanoid types! Yeah, sure, so you have a
college degree with a lofty title and a respected reputation. You’re
important and prestigious and uber-cool. So what! Learn to laugh and
laugh regularly at your own missteps, goof-ups and puffed-up sense of
That’s what happy people do, anyway. We rarely start a sentence with, “How dare you…”
Why would we? Are we so exalted that another human has no right
acting the part of an imperfect human being around us? Just decide once
and for all to simply get over yourself long enough to enjoy life and
stop making the universe all about you!
5. Happy People Almost Never Hold GrudgesWhen people in our lives consistently behave so atrociously that
letting bygones be bygones is just not an option, happy people tend to
They don’t hug porcupines, put their hands in fire, or allow
themselves repeated emotional slaps to their dignity and self-respect
either. They do what can be done to address the problem, for sure. But
then they leave the unscrupulous to their own devices, to God, the law,
or karma without allowing it to fester inside for too long. They readily
forgive and let go.
Holding on to grudges, offense or hate is emotional constipation of
the worst kind, after all. And happy people tend to avoid such emotional
6. Happy People Almost Never Hide from the TruthHappy people are not self-delusional. They accept reality for what it
is. The Truth doesn’t scare them, even if it means they change their
mind, position, or ideology.
They are therefore more open to honest feedback because they can
handle the criticism (their happiness does not come from others’
acceptance of them) and they actually seek input that can help them improve and grow.
7. Happy People Almost Never Isolate themselvesWe know that the happiest people have friends. They interact with
others. They belong to communities of people, to clubs or churches or
committees or close-knit neighborhoods. Certainly they have quiet time
and even enjoy their alone time. That’s not what I’m talking about.
There are unhappy extroverts as there are happy introverts. But happy
people of either variety almost never lock their doors, pull the blinds
and stay away from others for extended periods of time.
Isolation does not lend itself to happiness, even if it feels comfortable to those who are socially uncomfortable.
8. Happy People Almost Never Take Things for GrantedIt’s easy to get accustomed to things that happen regularly. We
therefore tend to take so much of life for granted, and even begin to
expect them. “Thank you for doing the dishes? Why would I thank you for
that?! It’s your job, for crying out loud!”
Happy people seldom think that way. They tend to feel gratitude for
the sunrises and little kindnesses and the good people in their lives.
They say thank you, not by habit—even if it may seem that way to the
ingrate—but because they truly feel grateful for dishes washed, garbage
taken out, children’s smiles and sunrises.
9. Happy People Almost Never Ignore CharacterPersonality can make people interesting, fun to be around, charismatic. Character makes them good, decent, kind and loving.
Happy people rarely confuse one with the other. Their own character
is utmost in their own lives as well. Who they are is much more than
personality, fashion or image. And who they are on the inside matters
greatly to them.
10. Happy People Almost Never Live Sedentary LivesThe happiest of people spend time outdoors. They go places and do
things. Don’t get me wrong, not all happy people would enjoy everything
other happy people enjoy. Some may find themselves on the ski slopes or
climbing a mountain while other happy people prefer people watching at
the mall or reading a thought-provoking book.
But they do get out—to parks, walks around the block, to museums, to
stadiums or restaurants or the beach. They play guitar or soccer or work
on cars or build models or breed dogs.
The point is that they don’t sit around watching a lot of TV. They
actively and enthusiastically live life to its fullest—whatever “full”
means to each happy individual.
11. Happy People Almost Never Do Anything to Excess (for too long)Happy people seldom sleep more than they need to, or eat more than
they should. They don’t fly into rages or cuss people out or flip people
off. They seldom lose control of their emotions or have affairs or even
exercise to the point of not having enough time to spend with their
In short, happy people have well-rounded lives. They don’t neglect
one part of their lives to dedicate everything to another part.
There are seasons of being off-balance, of course. When work projects
are due or graduation is pending or a relationship needs mending, they
may focus more on those parts at those times. But in general, they are
balanced and happy because of it.
Final ThoughtsNo one perfectly avoids anything on this list. We all have
moments when self-control is lost, or too much TV is watched, or we let
fear creep in and slow us down. We all have lapses and make mistakes and
fall down and get our hearts or our character a bit battered and
But happy people do well at minimizing such things. They tend to
avoid them, seldom engage in them and usually rise to the occasion most
of the time. As such, they tend to be happier than those who don’t.
The key to living a happy life, then, is, in part, learning the art
of avoiding those things happy people avoid, at least most of the time
and on good days.
Challenge: Choose one of the items on the list of behaviors above and go to work minimizing it.